Hotohori's Pain
by chinoz
Summary: [COMPLETED] Hotohori kept getting dumped by the women around him. What had went wrong? Why did they reject him, one by one? What would Hotohori do then? This is a parody on Hotohori's vanity. =) Pls R&R. Onegai!


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Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi yuugi or the characters. They belong to Watase Yuu. 

A/N: Someone mentioned that this is a Hotohori bashing fic. I am not too sure of it. I just thought of it as some joke. In fact, at the end, if one had read closely, they would have realized that Hotohori does recognize his fault (too in love with himself). So, I'm just making a parody out of his character, I'm not bashing him or anti-Hotohori. I hope Hotohori fans will understand. 

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Hotohori's pain

"Gomene Hotohori Kun, I can't love you. I… I'm in love with another," said Miaka.

"Who?" asked Hotohori, anguish filling his heart.

"Tamahome. I'm in love with him," said Miaka sadly, avoiding Hotohori's eyes. 

Hotohori stood there, stunned, as Miaka proceeded to launch into a useless tirade of explanations. He wasn't listening to her at all. When she finally realized it, she bit her lips & left. This was why she chose Tamahome. Hotohori was always lost in his own world & his own beauty. 

Hotohori stood in the park & closed his eyes when Miaka left. He could hear her of course but was in too much pain to really listen & respond. When it started to rain, he froze in horror before screaming.

Angrily, he ranted against the sky, "my precious Armani suit! For Christ's sake, stupid Kami Sama, I don't mind getting dumped but stop ruining my best suit. Do you know how expensive these suits are? They cost me a bomb. Of course, only a perfect man like me deserved the best. But still, you…"

Hotohori stood in the rain, ranting against heaven for ruining his favorite suit & spoiling his perfect beauty. His earlier pain? Well forgotten. 

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3 months later

Nuriko laughed. "You? You like me?" She laughed some more. "Hotohori Sama, I'm very sorry but, well, I'm dating your older brother now."

Hotohori bowed his head deep down. 

Nuriko smirked & left Hotohori wallowing in self-pity. She thought, 'revenge is sweet, after all…'

However, unknown to her, 5 minutes after she left, Hotohori was no longer moping over his loss. A stray dog had chosen to release itself on his newly bought pair of Gucci shoes while he was lost in his sadness & hadn't paid much attention to his shoes.

"My Gucci shoes! Kami Sama! You cruel cruel being! How could you do this to mar my perfection? I know that you are jealous of me. But still, this is an exclusive pair of Gucci shoes. I paid a fortune for this pair of shoes. Thank goodness you have decided to leave my suit alone this time. This suit cost…"

And so, the tirade of berate against heaven started again…

****

6 months later

"Mayo… I… I've fallen in love with you," stammered Hotohori. 

Mayo rolled her eyes in annoyance. Before Hotohori could profess his undying love for her. She said coldly, "Hotohori sempai, I'm terribly sorry. I love Tamahome sempai only. I've only agreed to date you to appease Miaka sempai, to allay her suspicion that I have designs on Tamahome sempai."

Once again, Hotohori stood his ground. He bowed his head down.

Mayo was much more sympathetic than the other two girls had been. She went forward, patted his shoulder & whispered, "gomene. If I had met you before I knew Tamahome sempai, I guess I could learn to love you. Gomen Hotohori sempai. Sayonara."

She left quietly.

Hotohori stared at the ground in front of him. 'Kami Sama, this is the 3rd girl who had rejected me. Am I so repulsive?' he thought to himself. For the 1st time in his life, Hotohori started to doubt himself.

Just then, a pigeon flew over his head & decided to do its business.

"SPLAT!" A loud splat was heard. Hotohori froze. Ever so slowly, he brought his hand up his head & touched his soft silky hair. He touched some mushy soft substances & brought it to his eyes. To his horror, there was bird shit on his hand. 

"Argh! Kami Sama! You… you… you cursed being! How dare you attack my beautiful, long, soft, and silky hair! Do you know how long it took to make them so beautiful, so silky, and so soft? I spent 2 freaking hours in the showers everyday just to shampoo my hair carefully so as not to break any strands. Another 2 hours were spent applying the conditioner to my hair. An hour was spent waiting for that stuff to nourish my hair & another 2 hours to wash the conditioner off my hair! Now you arranged for that pea-brained bird to just shit on my head? You…"

Again, our Hotohori Sama seemed to think that cursing against heaven would be useful…

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9 months later

Yui was busy holding her books with one hand while holding her cell phone in the other hand. She was in a hurry to return home when she spotted a longhaired boy standing in her way.

"Excuse me, I need to go through. Would you be kind enough to let me pass?" Yui asked politely.

Hotohori turned around & turned beet root. "Yui Chan… I've waited the whole afternoon for you here. There's something I need to tell you."

Yui was horrified to see Hotohori. 'Oh no! I'm trapped. I'm sure I'm his latest victim.' She sighed & waited impatiently for him to "profess" his undying love for her. She had heard his speech from Miaka & Nuriko & had almost died with laughter when she heard how he had professed his love for them. 'Here it goes' she thought, bracing herself as if she would brace a huge wave on the Miami Beach. 

"Actually I have fallen in love with you last week. After searching through my soul, I realize that you might actually be good for me. I know that I'm perfect. With my brown expressive eyes, my sharp & angular face, my long silky beautiful hair & my flawless complexion, I know that I could have any girl. But I chose you. I deemed that you are as perfect as I am. Would you accept my love & be with me forever. While I chose to grant you such happiness, would you be willing to serve me with your love?"

Yui stared at Hotohori before laughing right into his face. "Oh my god! Your declaration of love was priceless. It was so funny. My God! Hotohori, you should be a comedian. I'm sure you would be as popular as you think you should be," said Yui cruelly.

Hotohori stared at Yui, speechless. He hadn't expected her to laugh right in his face. He was confused. He didn't think he was being funny. He thought he sounded sincere & gallant. He was being a gentleman, wasn't he? 'What's so funny?' thought Hotohori puzzledly.

"So," said Hotohori hesitantly, "you accept my love then?"

Yui could not help but laughed harder when she heard Hotohori's question. She didn't mean it really-to laugh in his face. She was kind of glad that he was too dense to understand that she was laughing at him. 

She managed to stop laughing long enough to say, "gomene Hotohori Kun. I'm already dating Tetsuya. So, I can't accept your, oh so good, offer." She walked away while still laughing.

This time, Hotohori had more response. He actually felt his legs going out beneath him. He knelt down at where he had previously stood. He was in a daze for a while before a little wet hand on his hand distracted him from his daze.

"Nani?" he asked. He spotted the small boy who was tugging at his hand. "Onii-san, I… hick… am lost… hick… waaah!!!" wailed the boy. Hotohori was about to comfort the small boy when he noticed something.

'Oh my god!' he thought dismally to himself, 'this small boy is covered in mud… this only means…'

HHe looked down at his hand in horror. He was so horrified that he could not even find his voice to scream at the small boy who was starting to be sleepy after wailing for so long.

'My perfect hands!' thought Hotohori in anguish, 'they are so freaking dirty now! Oh no! I've just spent the whole morning doing my nails in the manicure shop & now this?' 

"Kami Sama! You…" Hotohori went on to curse Heaven.

In the meantime, in Heaven, Kami was yawning. A huge downpour accompanied by thunder & lightning were sent to quiet the young man. Kami was getting tired of being cursed by a particular young man every 3 months. 

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12 months later

Soi stared at Hotohori. She couldn't believe her ears. 'Is this guy for real? I thought Yui chan was kidding when she mentioned this guy confessing his love for her. Oh my god! This is so funny.' However, Soi was a lot nicer than Yui was. She muffled her laughter by hiding her face behind her scarf. 

Hotohori waited nervously for Soi's reply. Usually he would be pretty confident. However, recently, he found himself wondering, just a tiny bit, if there was anything wrong with him. 

Soi managed to curb her giggles & laughter & bowed to Hotohori. "Gomene Hotohori Sama. I, I am dating Nakago now. So, I can't accept your love." 

Hotohori stared at Soi sadly. "You do not want me either?" he whispered.

Soi was taken aback. From what she had heard from Yui chan, this seemed out of character for him. 

Just then, Hotohori looked up & asked her quietly, "you are kidding about Nakago right? I mean, no one would be in love with him right? I admit, his blonde hair does look good but I think my long silky hair is way better. Besides…"

Before Hotohori could finish his speech, which was an attempt to persuade Soi to accept him instead, Nakago came charging out of nowhere & hit Hotohori right on his face. 

Hotohori fainted after muttering, "my precious face…"

In the meantime, a certain kami Sama in heaven was snickering. "Good riddance. Ah… there will be peace for a while after all…" 

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~END~

A/N: Minna! I hope you had enjoyed my story! Thank you for reading this story. Do leave me a review to tell me what you think of it. =) BTW, Kami means God. Sama, Kun, Chan, San are just Jap ways of addressing someone like Mr. or Miss & etc. Gomene means sorry. Onii san means brother. Sempai means senior. Sayonara, well means goodbye. This is for those who do not understand Jap words though there are far & few here that do not understand simple Jap terms. Oh yeah, one more thing, nani means what. =) I used '&' instead of 'and' purposely. However, I do notice that people tend to dislike '&'. Is there any rules against using '&' here?


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